Snapping Out Of A “Check List” Existence And Into A “Being” World
There is a tendency in society these days to feel pressure to check off all the boxes life presents you. Do well in school, check, get a good job, check, have the perfect spouse and home check.
There’s always something else around the corner and you’re constantly chasing that feeling of completion.
It’s what I did until I found myself completely burned out. That’s why I like to say; “goals suck!”. Now, I teach my new perspective and help others break the cycle.
One of the most important realizations I’ve ever had was that my happiness or fulfilment actually have very little to do with whether or not I achieved any particular goal. When you’re always focusing on “becoming” something else, you never allow yourself to experience the person you’re actually “being” in the present.
How To Set Better & Healthier Goals
One of the five paradigm shifts I’ve adapted is to change how I look at goals, as well as how I go about achieving them.
Goals are simply a mental construct and can be whatever you create them to be. There’s no logic that can prove what goals you can achieve and which you can’t. Most goals have too many variables involved to say for sure either way.
When people say they have 3-month goals or 6-month goals, I can’t stand it. That’s a terrible habit to get into because these “goals” are set up for failure.
There’s no telling how many smaller tasks need to be completed in order to achieve the overall goal. It could be 1000, it could be 10,000!
The immediate future is the worst place to set your focus when it comes to goals.
I recommend that you envision what you want your ideal self or situation to look like in 3 years. Then reverse engineer what needs to happen in the first year to arrive at your ideal outcome at the end of the third year.
With the 1-year parameter you tend to put an extreme amount of pressure on yourself as opposed to with 3 years or more, there you’re much kinder to yourself.
If you can succeed in the smaller goals along the way it’s much more likely you’ll ultimately end up achieving your overall goal.
When you can disentangle all this emotional pressure you have bound up in your concept of goals you unlock flexibility as well as fulfillment as you go about achieving them.
- Stop creating goals for the immediate future (1 year or less.)
- Envision where you want to be down the line in 3 years.
- Now reverse engineer what would need to happen in year 1 to get you on track to be in your ideal place in 3 years.
- Relax and be kind to yourself throughout the process!
Result You Will Achieve
Realistic and achievable long term goals without emotional pressure setting you back.
This article is based on an EHQ interview with the mentor.